Back here.

Back at DR.

sigh. groan. whine.

The vacation wasn't restful enough. It never is. Would I have been better of just sitting at home the last two weeks? We'll see what's in store for today. Apparently some sort of wireframe. At least it isn't a word doc.

The trip up to Washington was good. I didn't get to see my friends as much as I wanted to. I never do. It's never a long enough trip. Try and make the most of it and end up being burnt out by dinners and get togethers and people and more people. As much fun as New Years Eve was the better bits are always the morning after or the afternoon after. The chill times. Only got to partake in that for a few hours on New Years Day.

It was good seeing my family and mom. We spent a lot of time at home. Mostly cause I got sick and because we were without a car. It was fine though. We watched T.V. and hung out.

The last two weeks feel like a blur. I feel like I was on a completely different planet and I'm now just touching down to reality.

I felt awfully melancholy during the trip. People kept asking me what I got for Christmas and people kept talking about all the loot they got. I really wasn't concerned with that. I was happy to see my family. I know I'm not as self-less as I make myself out to be. I got some good presents but gifts weren't on my mind. I can honestly say I just enjoy being around my family and friends.

I've been in the doldrums the last few days. I keep wondering to myself, "how much longer?" at DR. When everyone asked how things were at work I replied relatively negatively. I talked about toxic work environments and weird management. I talked about being taken for granted and not feeling like part of the team.

Stepping back and spending a few weeks away, as well as being asked about it at every turn, really helps put things in perspective. I guess I really need to decide what I want to do. I suppose I'd like to do what I said and ride this contract out till it stops. That would require me to make the most out of this situation, or at the very least do my best not to stress out about it and realize that it isn't permanent. I'd also like very much to dive headlong into Don Swan. I realize though to turn any profit is going to require a lot of effort.

So I guess the big things I'd like to focus on are getting done with DR, which is inevitable. Unless I died and this is my hell. And doing as much as I can with Don Swan.

Viva La Don.

Dreading going back to Design Reactor. Dave called me today asking about my availability for some quick turn around work over the weekend. I told him I wasn't going to be in until Monday. It sort of made me mad. I feel like if another designer read that they might just tell me to suck it up and realize that that is part of contracting. I feel fed up though. He would know if he had talked to Jim about what the creative people on staff were doing that I wasn't going to be back yet.

I feel like a little kid or something who's grown weary of a ride that's gone on too long. I want to get off of it. I know the money will go away. The day in day out is getting to me again. The weirdo management style is getting to me as well.

This trip has been very lazy. All we've done is sat at my mom's house. No going out, no nothing. Aside from a few trips out to eat and go to Camilles birthday thing we've done nothing. IT doesn't help that I got whatever stomach bug my family had. That put me out of commission for almost 3 days. I'm still recovering. I wish I could have a vacation from my vacation.

I'm looking forward to tonight. Not as much as I should be. Being sick and not being able to sleep has taken it out of me. I get to see Dane and Q and David. I get to see Nate and Jess and I think Lori and Nate may come up. I'll get to see other people as well, who are just as special. I'll try and make the most of things and enjoy myself as much as I can. These moments are fleeting nowadays.